Zombies, Unicycles, and a Road Trip
So there was a bar-b-que at my place last weekend, when a strange coincidence presented itself: a zombie creator and zombie hunter found them selves face to face over bbq-ed pork loin and rhubarb pie. Wait, I had better back up a bit and explain, and in the course of the explanation, I will attempt to use as many exact quotes from the exchange as possible.
Claire works in a lab at the university synthesizing a compound used in research to help fight HIV/AIDS. Sounds harmless enough. Except that it does so by “breaking triple bonded molecules.” For those unfamiliar with organic chemistry, that is pretty impressive, and pretty difficult, and when asked how it does this, she said “we don’t really know.” Then Gurg astutely pointed out, “hey, aren’t we made of molecules?” This would be of only slight concern, until Claire casually mentioned that some of the substance had escaped its quarantine area and jumped across the lab and was now actively destroying other molecules in the lab. And it had mutated. This is where the zombie hunter’s ears really perked up. Further questions reveled that the compound, while not alive, is almost exactly like a protein, but isn’t quite. Almost alive but not quite? Makes it hard to kill, yes? So that led of course to the question of how you kill something not alive, you know just in case it shows even more talent for escape and begins to wreak its havoc outside the lab. Since it is not a protein, heat does not kill it. I say again, it is impervious to fire. Same with cold, and chain saws, shotguns, and wooden stakes if I understand correctly. Dimethylsulferic acid seems to work, according to the creator. As does oxygen. Which is why it is kept under nitrogen, except that it has already managed to outmaneuver that one, when it escaped to the other side of the lab. Oh, and where do you acquire some of this dimethylsulferic acid? In the same lab that “contains” the zombie. Is this beginning to sound familiar? To reach the antidote you must return to the lair of the creation. Hmm…what else? When asked is the compound had ever been exposed to living cells rather than just organic molecules, the creator responded “only mine.” Excuse me?? A carrier?? In our midst?? We all drew back a bit as we pressed her for details, convinced now that an outbreak was imminent and that we would be the last hope for mankind, knowing the details and weaknesses of this abomination. So let’s recap: we have a chemical compound that, while rare in nature has now been artificially synthesized in greater quantities than ever intended and was mutated in the process. The purpose of this compound is to break apart organic molecules strongest bonds. It cannot be killed by fire or heat, has already escaped its “controlled” lab environment and is destroying neighboring specimens in the lab, and the only living cells it has ever interacted with are those of its creator. And the antidote is in the lab. We have the makings of a darn good zombie movies on our hands here.
Except then she let slip a couple of key facts that allowed us to forgive her crimes against nature, for now…first, in addition to being killed by dimethylsulferic acid, it is also killed by water. And it is not self replicating, that is the only stuff there is in the world is the stuff in their lab, and it can’t reproduce. Yet.
In other news, I bought a unicycle and have been teaching myself to ride it. Turned out to be a good way to get to know the neighbors, as they see me out in the street practicing and are always glad to comment on my progress, and proximity of my crashed to their cars.
Lastly, Risa and I are gone for a road trip this summer. First, Lake Powell, then Moab, Salt Lake, Nebraska, northern California, Wyoming, Iceland, and home by early September. Or so goes the plan. With regular unicycle breaks every 100 miles to breakup the driving monotony.
The Creator.
The Zombie Hunter.
The Hope for Mankind, currently on vacation road tripping through northern Utah.
Claire works in a lab at the university synthesizing a compound used in research to help fight HIV/AIDS. Sounds harmless enough. Except that it does so by “breaking triple bonded molecules.” For those unfamiliar with organic chemistry, that is pretty impressive, and pretty difficult, and when asked how it does this, she said “we don’t really know.” Then Gurg astutely pointed out, “hey, aren’t we made of molecules?” This would be of only slight concern, until Claire casually mentioned that some of the substance had escaped its quarantine area and jumped across the lab and was now actively destroying other molecules in the lab. And it had mutated. This is where the zombie hunter’s ears really perked up. Further questions reveled that the compound, while not alive, is almost exactly like a protein, but isn’t quite. Almost alive but not quite? Makes it hard to kill, yes? So that led of course to the question of how you kill something not alive, you know just in case it shows even more talent for escape and begins to wreak its havoc outside the lab. Since it is not a protein, heat does not kill it. I say again, it is impervious to fire. Same with cold, and chain saws, shotguns, and wooden stakes if I understand correctly. Dimethylsulferic acid seems to work, according to the creator. As does oxygen. Which is why it is kept under nitrogen, except that it has already managed to outmaneuver that one, when it escaped to the other side of the lab. Oh, and where do you acquire some of this dimethylsulferic acid? In the same lab that “contains” the zombie. Is this beginning to sound familiar? To reach the antidote you must return to the lair of the creation. Hmm…what else? When asked is the compound had ever been exposed to living cells rather than just organic molecules, the creator responded “only mine.” Excuse me?? A carrier?? In our midst?? We all drew back a bit as we pressed her for details, convinced now that an outbreak was imminent and that we would be the last hope for mankind, knowing the details and weaknesses of this abomination. So let’s recap: we have a chemical compound that, while rare in nature has now been artificially synthesized in greater quantities than ever intended and was mutated in the process. The purpose of this compound is to break apart organic molecules strongest bonds. It cannot be killed by fire or heat, has already escaped its “controlled” lab environment and is destroying neighboring specimens in the lab, and the only living cells it has ever interacted with are those of its creator. And the antidote is in the lab. We have the makings of a darn good zombie movies on our hands here.
Except then she let slip a couple of key facts that allowed us to forgive her crimes against nature, for now…first, in addition to being killed by dimethylsulferic acid, it is also killed by water. And it is not self replicating, that is the only stuff there is in the world is the stuff in their lab, and it can’t reproduce. Yet.
In other news, I bought a unicycle and have been teaching myself to ride it. Turned out to be a good way to get to know the neighbors, as they see me out in the street practicing and are always glad to comment on my progress, and proximity of my crashed to their cars.
Lastly, Risa and I are gone for a road trip this summer. First, Lake Powell, then Moab, Salt Lake, Nebraska, northern California, Wyoming, Iceland, and home by early September. Or so goes the plan. With regular unicycle breaks every 100 miles to breakup the driving monotony.
The Creator.
The Zombie Hunter.
The Hope for Mankind, currently on vacation road tripping through northern Utah.posted by Jared | 10:06 AM
2 Comments:
OMG ...!!! you got that un-ie-cycle that you ALWAYS wanted..... damn, what kind of lacking parents you must have had that you didn't get one when you were say 6 or 10 or such... Oh and I think I read a STeven King book about some such creation that escaped the lab one time....
How can you unicycle at a time like this!?
Well, it is possible that one of the security checkpoints can only be bypassed on a unicycle.
Okay, keep practicing. Oh, and try it wearing safety goggles; you may be carrying a lot of acid.
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